Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Anyone who will listen is better than no one,

I am new to this whole blogging thing so I'm sorry if my posts bore you.
The truth is, I don't even care if anyone reads this or not. I just need a place where I can express all my feeling and get them off my chest. Even if they make no sense at all. I have recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I'm trying to make sense of what's going on in my head. The best way for me to do this is get it out on paper, or in this case, the big wide cyber-world.
If you do follow me, thank you for your support.


Today, my friend canceled on me so I spent the whole day alone.
I slept in till 12pm, which I really don't like because I hate wasting my days away, I watched day time telly (what could be more trashy!?!), ate junk food and pretty much just felt sorry for myself for being all alone and bored.

I really don't know why I just didn't update my resume and apply for a job, which I desperately need. I guess it's because I can't find any motivation, and just the thought of job searching drains my energy level to zero. Could it be that in an entire year of searching for a job I've only had one interview and this has just made me lose all hope? There's nothing worse than putting yourself out there and being shut down.

This has happened a lot in my life; Well at least in the last 19 years of my existence. And when it occurs over and over again it really can damage your self esteem. I guess it happens to everyone, But it feels like I'm getting it a lot more than my peers. Everyone seems to have things go their way.. ALL the time!! At the moment it feels like nothing wants to go right for me or be easy like it seems to be for everyone else. It's like I've worked my butt off for the last year and hardly gotten anywhere, but people around me are being hand fed and given everything. I know it's probably not true. I just feels like it.

I'm going to stop at that for now. I could probably type away all night about how I feel, but for the sake of anyone who was nice enough to read this, I'm going to call it quits for tonight.

In for a nice night snuggled up with my kitten Oliver and watching Greys Anatomy and Private Practice.
Night bloggers.

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